then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Success! We fucked roommates!
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