Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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