I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize