I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
