Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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