Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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