now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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