Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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