but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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