Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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