As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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