dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
