You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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