Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
