Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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