the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize