nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
