Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
