Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
