It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
