Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
