Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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