I wanna bring you to show and tell
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
