chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So vagazzling was a success
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
