if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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