Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
