Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
