i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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