This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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