you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize