why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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