we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
