Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
