I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
