Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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