The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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