Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
