Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
