i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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