To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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