PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
