The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
