that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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