I didn't shave. On purpose
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
