the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
