Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
