whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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