i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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