Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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