Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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