I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
