So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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