I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
