We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize