I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
