you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
