there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How does one acquire holy water?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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