soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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