I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's like iHOP with fire
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
