I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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