So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
