So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
