If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
