there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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