then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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