I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
