I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
