out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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