ya dads aren't the best wingmen
People in love make me want to vomit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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