i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
