Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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