It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
