No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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