Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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