Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
