Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
