If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sex in a hospital.. check
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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