u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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