He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
