I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize