hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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